Notable quotes
This page features notable quotes from London's Burning episodes. Movie Blue Watch is lined up for roll call as they come on duty Tate: Call the Roll Hallam: Blue Watch, Blue Watch Shun!. Answer your names! Leading Fireman Cross? Cross: Yes sir! Hallam: Fireman Wilson? Bayleaf: Sir! Hallam: Fireman Cartwright? Vaseline: Sir! Hallam: Fireman Lewis? Ethnic: Yes Sir! Hallam: Fireman Quigley. Fireman Quigley? Sicknote, I know you're there, will you do me the honour of answering your name? Sicknote: I've got a toothache sir. I can't talk. Hallam : Fireman Quigley? Sicknote : Yes sir. Hallam : Fireman Appleby? Charisma : Sir. Hallam : Fireman Baines? Rambo : Sir. Hallam : Blue Watch, Blue Watch, stand at... ease. Riders for the appliances are as follows: On the pump-ladder myself, Fireman Appleby driving; plus Leading Fireman Cross, Fireman Quigley and Fireman Baines. On the pump, Station Officer Tate, Fireman Wilson driving, plus Fireman Cartwright and Fireman Lewis. Watch room: Fireman Quigley; detached duty Fireman Murphy; Fireman Shore acting-up; Fireman Underwood: long term sick... Rambo : Replacement ain't even turned up. Hallam : Chemical protection suits and breathing apparatus: Cartwright, Lewis, Baines and Cross. Blue Watch... Rambo : Excuse me, sir? I thought we was getting a replacement for Liver Salts. Hallam : Blue Watch... Rambo : Were one short without Liver Salts Hallam : Fireman Andrews' replacement arrives from J-Division suppertime. Alright? Blue Watch, Blue Watch... Shun! For your duties... Fall out! Tate warning bayleaf about sexist remarks on route to the garage fire :Tate: Which way you going? Downton hill? :Bayleaf: Nah Downtons to narrow with parked cars, couldnt get more than a Man down there let alone a bleeding Fire Engine :Tate: Oi! Vaseline doesn't want to go to Ethnic's leaving banquet :Vaseline: I'll bring bleedin' sandwiches! :Bayleaf: You've had three wives and 300 fiancees and not one of them has ever so much as buttered you a slice of bread! Josie introduces herself in the dorm :Josie: Okay here we go. 1) I'm not a dyke 2) I'm not a woman's libber 3) I'm not a nymphomaniac and 4) I'm not an alien from outer space. I'm in the job cause I like it. I'm not clever enough to be a nurse or secretary, but two days and two nights a week, I'm bloody good at fighting fires. The rest of the time, I do stuff other women do. Been married for five months, I've been in the Brigade for just over a year. I've been to hundreds of shouts. So you can all behave exactly as normal, whether on shouts, in the station or in your pits. There's only one difference between you and me and that's no doubt what you're holding in your hands under your blankets, so that's only a little difference, ain't it? And sod all to do with putting out fires, unless you piss on them. Good night. An interesting shout :Tate: A curtain ring?! How the hell d'you get a curtain ring stuck on your w-? Get Bayleaf! Series 1 "Malcolm being the hunchback on tower" Malcolm: The bells its driving me mad! Vaseline: They're driving us all bleeding mad! Malcolm: Oh Esmeralda the bells water water! :George: The poor demented creature wants water! Vaseline: Oh right! ---- After the cat ran over from Appliance while Vaseline drove backwards Vaseline: It wasn't my fault Charisma: Cat Killer Josie: Butcher Malcolm: certainly the crudest form in vivisection! Vaseline: I don't believe this! How i suppose to know! It was obviously an act of suicide it's a suicidal cat why else was it on the roof? That was probably tenth try they're only allotted nine. it's definitely suicide! ---- George: think Charisma should have a lawyer present as well! Charisma: What? What's that suppose to mean? George: It's just that looks so guilty! Tate: Good grief! ---- Malcolm: Well this all rather jolly isn't it? Rather like the last supper if we should hear cock crow three times one of us could be in serious trouble! Tate: Very droll Malcolm. very droll! ---- Tate on Mr Malik's antiquated fire regulations :Tate: This geezer's incredible, a right cowboy :George: I thought he was an Indian?! ---- :Hallam: What you have got on? :Charisma: Aftershave my bird give it me! :Hallam: Toyed with your barnet and all did she? I'm impressed! ---- :George: Have you see Charisma tart.? Its only Donna. Donna... :Kevin: Donna Donna. Thats her Christian name and her surname is it? ---- Sidney tell John in the office After the Buried incident :Tate: Oh you're the real Station Officer material you are John! ---- :Bayleaf: Another one of dead or alive posters is it Jaffa? Anyone who not actually buried who has four limbs two eyes and a nose is wanted for use as a punchbag by the LFB Boxing Club. You know what I mean Harry! ---- Sicknote is still moaning about missing his Cinderella panto :Sicknote: I suppose you've never seen my Buttons? :Vaseline: I use a zip myself! ---- George In The Police Station :Police Sergeant: I didn’t know you were in the Fire Brigade! Ive got a son who’s in the Fire Brigade, he says Christmas is a time for all the family :George: BOLLOCKS! ---- Series 2 :Scouser: Back up in your tree Monkey Nuts! :Tony : Oi! Caveman, don't talk to him like that! ---- : :Julia: It's in the works of Dante, have you read it? :George: Dante? No. Was he a sweeper for AC Milan? ---- ''George spots Julia :George: Last time I saw a bird like that I was asleep! ---- Bayleaf on Vaseline living with his wife and ex-wife :Bayleaf: You're in what the Frogs call a menage-a-trois :Vaseline: No I told you it's a flat! ---- Vaseline on living with his wife and ex-wife :Vaseline: Marion 3 thinks I'm giving Marion 1 one too! Tate after George & Malcom’s fight :Tate: Let me tell you something, THE ONLY THING THAT’S PERSONAL WHEN YOU’RE ON DUTY IN THIS FIRE STATION WHEN I’M THE OFFICER IN CHARGE IS YOUR TOILET REQUIREMENTS! IS THAT CRYSTAL?! ---- Bayleaf to Josie about the shout to rescue a parrot :Bayleaf: How did it go? :Josie: How did what go? :Bayleaf: The shout. :Josie: Oh, we helped rescue some bird. :Bayleaf: Oh, let me guess, broken love affair, right? :Josie: What? :Bayleaf: Well, nine times out of ten that's what it is, with birds. :Josie: What are you talking about?! :Bayleaf: Women jumpers. :Josie: This wasn't a woman, it was a bird, called Clive! :Bayleaf: What? You mean like a transvestite?! :Josie: No, I mean like a parrot! :Bayleaf: Can we start this conversation again?! ---- Josie enters the dorm soaking wet after the lads tampered with her toilet :Vaseline: What's up Jose? You look a bit flushed! ---- Charisma complaining about Sicknote to Tate :Charisma: If he's not moving things about, he's grinding his teeth. If he's not grinding his teeth, he's worrying that he's getting another ulcer. If he's not worrying he's getting another ulcer, he's waking me up at three o'clock in the morning to tell me his heart's stopped! :Sicknote: My heart did stop! It stopped for several seconds, I had to get out of bed and run on the spot to get it going again! I think that's what's given me this rash! Sicknote and Charisma :Charisma: I step out for five minutes to get this. I come back, I go the front room and I thought hang on, "you're in the wrong house". You've been moving the furniture! :Sicknote: It's a sort of therapy. :Charisma: It's a sort of lunacy! ---- :Malcolm: Ah, Firewoman Ingham. And how dare one ask is your love life? :Josie: Much the same as yours I would imagine, restricted to the odd wet dream! ---- Tate on Scase at the trapped workmen incident :Tate: That bloke's half a pork pie short of a picnic you know that! :Hallam: Bit do what he says Guv! :Scase: The Blackwall Mavericks Mutiny. That's what's happen out there today. Rank insubordination just tampered mutiny! ---- Bulstrode and Scase :Bulstrode: You ever thought of joining a literary circle? :Scase: Oh you mean my form 10 report. :Bulstrode: Oh is that what it is? Strained my sciatic nerve just lugging the bloody thing about! Series 3 Tate tell Kevin to move Maggie's Car out the yard Tate: I warn you Kevin! I said either that motor was out of the yard or it least it looks a bit more bloody respectable before the Area Commander's visit or heads are going to roll and heads ARE going to roll! Kevin: Just let me explain Guv! Tate: I'm not interesting your feeble excuses Kevin cause I can't hear them you have cease to exist. You have became the non-Person. You Promised me to sort that heap out before the Area Commander's visit and even a lady mayor will due any minute! Now this is a working Fire Station, Not a scrap metal merchants! Get that eyesore out of my yard NOW! George: Thats the all point Guv we can't shift it , Kevin and we're at the crack of dawn trying put together to shift it but someone nicked the wheels! ---- Bustroude and Malcolm You mean pretend to remove the roof Sir! If I had ment to prend remove the roof, I WOULD HAVE SAID PRETEND TO REMOVE THE ROOF! ---- Colin, Kevin & Tate :Kevin: Someones gonna have to give you a serious kicking mate or else otherwise we’ll be burying somebody else :Tate: Got the message have you? Right thats your first and last chance. You ever pull another caper like that again and not only are you out of the service, i will personally disembowell you and feed your lights to the bloody fishes understand? ---- Tate learns from Blue Watch about Sandra Hallam finding lipstick on John's y-fronts :Malcolm: Guv. When our Sub was at college it seems he had a carnal relationship with a certain lady who left telltale lipstick marks on some rather intimate items of his apparel. :Hallam: It had nothing to do with no woman guv; Duffy interfered with my underwear! ---- Sicknote is moaning about being served dumplings for lunch :Tate: Put a sock in it Sicknote! :(Everyone falls silent) :Kate: Well, I like them... Wouldn't fancy one of Sicknote's socks in it though! :Sicknote: There's nothing wrong with my feet! :Kevin: No, it's just where you put them! ---- Blue Watch and Red Watch sang to John Hallam Y-front man :Have you seen the Y-front man, the Y-front man the Y-front man, Have you seen the Y-front man there's lipstick on his drawers!'' '' : Series 4 Nick introduce to John Hallam and Malcolm Cross Nick: I'm Nick Georgaigis I'm your new Station Officer! ---- Kevin Nick Kevin: Hey Zorba! Kiss my arse! ---- John and Bayleaf Hallam Do it or Else! Bayleaf or else what! Hallam or you get sued! Bayleaf You can't sued me! ---- Kate walks out to Roll Call when Recall read the photographic memory from the book Stevens: Plonkers! Bayleaf: I thought she's a nice girl! ---- :Sicknote: Oh no not the famous Webley! Colin: Famous for who Sicknote: For being Tom Jones! ---- John George Sicknote and Kate look for kent fire Station Hallam: Cheeky sod if you in the fire brigade can't find your way to the Fire Station! Series 5 In Nick's office after they stole the Borough Street Station Officer's dentures :Malcolm: We just got our teeth into it! :Maggie: Ere George, your mother-in-law was here earlier. :George: She weren't on fire was she?! : Series 6 Pearce, after Billy and Recall have come out of a refrigerated warehouse :Geoff: Look at him, he's blue all over. :Recall: What colour does that make me then?! ---- George on doing roadwork with Billy :George: I'm not running behind your hearse at six in the morning. :Kevin: I should think not George, you'd look like Dracula chasing breakfast! ---- On George having the snip :Bayleaf: A vasectomy, Colin. Do you know what that is? :Colin: Oh yeah, my Auntie Rose had one of them. Cured her ulcer. Have you got an ulcer George? Series 7 After Sicknote reminds Jean that he has played golf before :Jean: That was crazy golf, and I'' won! ---- ''Sicknote and his wig :Sicknote: You can do anything in it, swim, play sports, ride a horse. :Jean: That is good. You couldn't before! :Sicknote: What do you think, taken a few years off me eh? :Jean: Took a few off me when you walked in with it! ---- On a man trapped in a battle tank :Sicknote: We should try to think about what the Army would do in this situation. :Bayleaf: Probably call the Fire Brigade! ---- Sicknote doesn't want to eat take away :Sicknote: I can't just consume any old rubbish. :George: You talk enough of it! ---- Bulstrode puts Scase in his place :Bulstrode: I don't suppose you even fart in your bath DO Scase, do you? :Scase: I beg your pardon, sir? :Bulstrode: No need to beg my pardon, I can't wait to see the back of you! :Bulstrode: You could make a beehive look like a bunch of wandering hippies with your managerial mania! ---- White Watch from Blackwall have just put out the fire George accidentally started in his brother-in-law's burger van :Mike: Tell you what George, we'll send you a calendar for Christmas. All our regular customers get them! Series 8 On Geoff not being picked for the football team :Sicknote: That's a waste of talent. You could have stabbed them in the back as they ran out! ---- On Geoff's "Poison" nickname :SO Tallis: What's he done to get a name like that? :Nick: Earned it! ---- :Kelly: I thought firemen were supposed to be helpful. :George: That's coppers! ---- John Hallam finds Sicknote's beaded car seat cover in the pump :John: You can't bring this in here! This is a fire engine not a bloody invalid carriage! Now whatever this extraneous intrusion is you'd better get it sorted and get a good night's kip or you'll be out: you and your wooden balls! ---- Hallam is helping a naked man down a ladder :Billy: Sub! :Hallam: What? :Billy: Bit drafty up this passage, innit? :Hallam: Billy, shut it! :Billy: Sub! Sub! :Hallam: What do you want? :Billy: Make sure he don't sit on your helmet! :Hallam: Shut up Billy, will you? Hallam to the same man, after his angry girlfriend tries to attack him for cheating on her :Hallam: Sun's not shining out of your arse today, is it? I can vouch for that! Series 9 Billy to Sicknote, after the chemical incident Blue Watch have been sent to turns out to be a false alarm ::Billy: It's bit like your Shakespeare, innit? Get all dressed up for a pile of crap! ---- :George: What happened? :Hallam: Brilliant you got stuck in the bloody manhole! :Clingfilm: Oh dear, I'm afraid that we got appliance stuck in the manhole! ---- Finding a nickname for Skippy :Jack: We had an Australian bloke in the navy. :Billy: What d'ya call him? :Jack: Dave! ---- Skip and Billy discuss Marianne :Skippy: I think Zorba's got in there first mate. :Billy: What's he got that I ain't? :Skippy: Stripes around his helmet? ---- :Recall: We set off now Geoffrey. We could be in Gretna Green by tea time. I know there's a nice bed and breakfast they do lovely bed spreads there. :Billy: Here look at Jack jammie git! ---- Jack on Pearce taking tea up to the officers :Jack: What do you do, take it in backwards ---- Blue Watch warn Skip about Carole :George: Make sure she don't molest you, she likes toy boys! :Billy: Well she don't like me! :Sicknote: He said toy not miniature! ---- :Nick: Where's the sub? :Jack: In the multi-gym with Poison. :Nick: Don't call him that, he's lost his dog! ---- :Geoff: I've lost Bruno. :Clingfilm: He's a bit big to lose isn't he? How did you manage that? ---- Jack is about to use the jaws of life to free a cyclist glued to his bike :Luke: What you gonna do with that? :Jack: Cut your handlebars off. :George: And his saddle. He's got some glue on his nuts! Series 10 Series 11 Jack talking about Dan on a shout :Jack: Once more unto the breach! :Recall: Leave it Jack. :Jack: Look at him, it's all just a big adventure. Series 12 Case you wondering I'm Station Officer John Coleman I've heard enough mustard jokes to last me a lifetime! George after learning Hyper's secret :George: He can't be gay, It's a wind up, he likes football! Series 13 After it emerges that Blue is pregnant :Adam: How was I to know she was up the duff?! Category:Browse